My High School Art Teacher

My high School art teacher passed away from a rare form of lung cancer earlier this year at only the age of 47. Since I'm about ten years since graduating, it makes sense that I wouldn't know right away, and so while it happened a few months ago, I just found out. Mr McCue was a great teacher, who didn't have any budget to give us, but always encouraged us, even though all we wanted to paint was cats and Mariah Carey (namely: only mariah carey's eyes). Everyone needs an infinately patient and infinately optomistic art teacher like that when they're in high School.

Especially when their students are drawing art like this:

 Ps I don't remember the context of this drawing at all. I just remember thinking it was the best thing I would or could ever draw, and then I labeled the file "toots." I was really terrible, but my teacher looked at this and said "There's an artist."

Honestly, I remember one day he saw me painting some cat from a kitchy photograph really poorly, and he told me, "rachel, you're going to be an illustrator." And I said "Ok, Mr McCue." Then painted a little bit more as he wandered away and then realized, "What's an illustrator?"

And while I never followed up, while I never made a portfolio when I was in High school (I was determined not to be an artist for some reason for about half a year. I tend to fight my instincts, I don't know why) I remembered it in college, noticed there was a major labeled "Illustration" and decided to go and stalk the faculty for about 5 more years until I graduated. that might not have happened if it weren't for Mr McCue.

Now I'm kinda sad because I never visited him once I was done with college. I never came by and said "hey, I got an illustration degree, aint that funny?" I never got to say in an interview or in the front page of a book "I had an art teacher named Mr McCue who was like the only person in this area other than my Mother who thought I shouldn't major in Math and Sadness. Thanks."

He was a very funny guy, he let us stretch our creativity, and my teacher (who was a photographer turned painter turned high school art teacher) had certain rules of wisdom:

- His radio station of 80's mix is the best radio station don't touch the radio.
- Good brushes.
- Always scrape the tempora paint for mold before you start painting (because it's 8 years old don't ask where we got it)
- When in doubt: Yellow
- simplify
- Pay attention to your lines

and most importantly:

- Remember kindness and respect for everyone, especially those who don't respect you

To this day as I'm painting, I'll look for areas in my picture that, in his vernacular "need more love." Which, I didn't realize at the time meant so much more than painting. That giving time to things that aren't perfect yet is how you show love. By working with parts of your own art that offend you eventually make the whole peice beautiful, because those are the areas that "need more love" although it's hard to love them.

As a kid I didn't really get it--that he was being patient and forgiving because he understood we were still kids and were full of undeveloped emotions that we couldn't understand yet. That we would make mistakes, and wouldn't understand just how much they hurt other people. He even endured a hate crime from mystery students who left slang across his door, right there on campus my junior year, and yet his reaction was surprisingly patient and forgiving, considering the tense circumstance, and he used it as a chance to teach about tolerance and to teach about respect to the rest of us.

I am so thankful for teachers, and as I get older, I see it wasn't so much about learning to read or write or how to paint or even how to learn. That, in the end, my best and most impacting teachers taught me about how people love and how people live and how people work and how people forgive, which is probably the hardest lessons of all to teach because its one of those things you teach best by example and not by books.

Geometrography, a craft you cannot say ten times fast

my original painting didn't have the mathy part in it. But maybe I should add it in. People really like math here in Silicon Valley.

I had a painting kick the last few days. Maybe because I've been doing so much digital art, when I was inspired to paint with oils on Sunday, I've had dreams about painting; I wake up at like 4:30 in the morning thinking about it. Something about oil paint: it flows, it breathes, it's sharp and it's smooth. To me it's like the blue cheese of painting. Except it doesn't make you fat. It does kinda smell, though.

And I had this square canvas-I had the hardest time composing. First off, it's square so I can't rely on my typical long dimensions I'm used to composing. Also, I wanted to make more decoration-style pieces to add to my portfolio under a "gallery" or "for sale" tab (something to hang in a coffee shop somewhere, youknow?) and it came to me as I was brainstorming that I was at a loss as to what people actually want in their house. So I thought looking at my demographic, either dogs, landscapes, or patterns.

At first I thought I'd stick a bull dog in the middle part, as if it was a framed portrait, but when I started to draw the pattern, I realized how much I love building patterns.  This was such a large painting, I couldn't just print it off and trace it from the computer, instead I opened a pattern book on building classic Arabic patterns and traced it out with a compass and a t-square (and a 30-60 45-45 triangle when I felt like cheating).

It's stuff I haven't done since geometry class in High school (the clinical term for it is geometrography), and this is kinda weird so brace yourself, but I used to be a math person (at least in world standards, not Saratoga standards), up until I decided to focus on art and now I can't do simple addition anymore, but I loved making geometrography stuff then, and I still love it now. It's embracing a craft that artists used for hundreds of years before tracing prints from the computer.

Not only that, but I think my end result was a lot more precise. Maybe it took a little longer, but once I had the pattern down, it helped me understand it a little more. It had it's own little character. I didn't need to put a dog in it or a bird on it to give it a center of focus. The pattern was the center of focus already

Also, I finally know what to put inside stubborn square canvases.

Anyways, I highly recommend pulling out a compass and embracing your math side.  Here's some links to some fun patterns.

http://www.geometrycode.com/free/seed-of-life-pattern-construction-using-compass/
http://www.broug.com/learn_lesson1.htm

Something for My Handshoe and Me

I woke up today, excited to have another productive day with art and stuff, when I pulled my right hand out of whack while washing my hair. So now it's got it's handshoe on, trying to go back to terms with itself (it's been a few hours since I pulled it, but my hand is still sulking and every time I try to bend it forwards it...gets mad) for the most part, my hands are nearly back into drawing-shape, but the occasional over-stretching seems to just knock it back to how it was months ago. So I decided to go back to my non-art things which really don't make me very excited because I really like my art things.

But this is what happens when I do non-art things. I get scared by numbers, statistics, and percentages, all of which will always be against me because I'm a creative, and unless I were to trick the system (even as a non-creative profession) I'll always feel like the numbers are against me. They haunt me in the late hours of the night. Despite all of the things I do right and how things will eventually work out once I get hired *cross fingers*, it always feels like things are going very wrong when numbers get involved.

Of course numbers have to be calculated, but I found something else to fill the late hours of the night when I'd normally be doing my art-for-me. Something to distract me from numbers for a little while. Something that I can do even with my handshoe on: bobbin lace.

So Bobbin lace is usaully done with bobbins. But I decided not to use bobbins because they aren't readily available, so I had to find another alternative. I tried just using string and pins, but it needed a thousand pins and it constantly tangled. I tried using paperclips but it was still getting tangled. I needed something bobbin shaped so I could make things quickly and efficiently.

And as I was cleaning my studio, throwing out all my doubles, I realized I have a mere 500000000000000 colored pencils. For years, people have been giving me colored pencils. Most of them are awful, a few are actually nice prismacolor or spectracolor ones, but most of them aren't worth the plastic lead they're made of. But, I found a new use for them that I hadn't realized before.

Using a 1/4 in washer, I turned them into bobbins. Colored pencils are all nearly the same size, and it's a little more than 1/4 in thick, so when you squish the washer above the string, it holds tight and keeps the bobbin from being unwound (after you tie that special bobbin knot which will be in a video down the page).

So, here's some youtube videos that I've used to learn bobbin lace (the best ones aren't in English). Even if you don't plan on doing this project, it's fascinating to watch.

It's been a nice skill to learn (took me a while to figure out some stitches but for the most part it's a very simple and straightforward craft.) I also found great instruction in this encyclopedia of needlework, (the one by Therese Dillmont that is basically everyone's go-to for more obscure needlecrafts )when I'll finish, I'll show it to you, but for those with carpal tunnel who are sad because they can't crochet/knit/sew/draw/needle-anything anymore, this has been a great project for my handshoe and me.

A link to Therese Dillmont (because it's apparently open domain now) as well as some patterns. It gets really extensive and you don't need most of the materials it suggests (like the bobbin machine and the bobbin winder, that can be done by hand and good sense and just a large stiff pillow (like the 2-ft type you throw on the floor for movie night).) But has great pictures of the stitches and very clear directions. The patterns are meh, but is good for beginning.

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/20776/20776-h/chapter_14.html#Materials

This is huuuge in Italy apparently because all the good youtube videos on the subject are Italian. (also some good ones in spanish) I apologize about the music. But you can see how the patterns can look really cool (some are super complicated, but again, fascinating to watch), and can be made from your own design without having to do all that math that knitting needs. Just skip to the actual weaving part because the intro is just words.

and this project which is so huge I can't imagine even starting it.

And in Spanish. Kinda shaky cam but you can see how it looks a little different from the italian version:

And an example of a pattern from Edna Sutton -- Her books are like 90 dollars so I'm not going to buy them, but she has some of the most modern looking patterns. And i totally downloaded this picture and am going to try it myself, thank you, tatman.

http://tat-man.net/blog/?p=1032

New Year

2012 was so weird. It shouldn't have been, it was setting itself up to be just like any other year: The world was bending to uncertain apocolypse, politics were astir with people no one really wanted to vote for, and my beginning of the year goals looked exactly like every other year I've ever encountered. Nothing special.

But this year, unlike my other years (which haven't been very many, I guess) I've come out of it feeling like the weather was particularly bad all of a sudden, all of my friends are depressed, wrist issues kept me from piano, drawing, and writing, my love life has become suddenly rather hopeless and I don't even care anymore, and the artist I thought I was is only about a third of what it should be. You know the feeling? It seemed like 2012 was weird all around.

But I realized yesterday, life is like stretching canvas. See, this year, I plan to be more positive about it. To be less meandering, and more loyal. I don't want to say it's a goal persay, because it's not. I think gaining attributes like being more hardworking or kinder or whatever you want to be is like drawing a line approaching infinity on a graph.  You don't need to actually draw the entire line approaching infinity--you just need to start drawing it, and we get the picture, youknow? It sort of figuratively draws itself once it gets out of bed, off the couch, and in the chair to start working.

I went through the studio and found some paintings that needed finishing, including this arabesque-style needlework. Originally I was going to hang it plain, but the thread looked like a tangle because there was too many colors. That was a shame, because I spent a lot of time on it, stitching so it looks like it floats on the canvas.

It was a real dissapointment, and I assumed my work was basically a waste. But, I thought maybe it needed some simplification to modernize it and give it a focus--so I set it aside to prepare it for stretching and gessoing like a painting.

If you're curious (since this is an art blog that was meant to be a tutorial blog that turned into a personal blog) I tried stretching it across the same circular frame I made it on, but without the outer rim.  I took the loose ends on the back of the work and sewed them together so it was very tight, and then used little clamps to make it even tighter. To stretch, I gave it a combination of water and wood glue (which is good enough) and let that dry for two coats, and then put a layer of painting gesso on top to seal in the needlework.

I like the effect of the white texture on white--I think that looks very nice, but I didn't get it tight enough (still has some ripples.) but then again, I can't tell if the ripples are inherently there from the needlework pulling on the canvas, or because I didn't stretch it well enough. Either way, there'll always be ripples and I shouldn't be so bothered by it, because most people looking at it wouldn't really notice it because of everything else going on in it. But like, every New Years, I pay too much attention to the ripples. It's about time I paid attention to the work, because life is like stretching canvas and approaching infinity and all those other elaborate metaphors and boxes and chocolates. It just needs some stretching.

Restarting

Lately I've been having kind of a bad attitude (a really bad attitude), but you know what, I'm feeling better. It's bound to happen with job struggles and the likes, but honestly I know I can do better as far as feeling grouchy goes, and I can definitely do better as far as my art goes. It's weird, with the new season and with pulling up the summer garden and planting the new Fall-Winter one (which is very exhausting), I feel like I'm rebooting myself. Which is something I've needed to do.

 So, I've been up to a lot of things, but here's the art I've actually photographed: I found some butterfly specimen thing on the wall in the corner of a room I had never really looked at before. So I decided to paint the dead butterfly specimens, which is kind of morbid but also kind of fun. My favorite color blue dried up, because my acrylic had a hole in the tube--which was actually really painful for me, it's a super expensive blue and now I'm like... really sad about it (in the above picture you can see where I stopped to go and mourn about my blue). But butterflies!

(And I was completely unaware that I'd be making a blog of the same theme, but hey look how that worked out)

I made a very little one to sell. I've come to realize that people aren't willing to buy anything over 50 dollars. Most paintings are several hundred dollars. So, I've listened, therefore, 4 inch square painting.

And a shameless plug, I've been doing illustrations for a little magazine called XI (aka Eleven) and it's about soccer and the history of--and it came out the other week. So if you know any soccer people--refer it or if you are a soccer person, go and buy it, because we want these guys to continue making these issues; it's an intellectual and a collectible zine. They'll have their second issue out in a few months from now.

More little framed paintings I developed with the transient art collector in mind--fits anywhere, easy to maintain, very cheap but still original art, collectible, and can be given as gifts. Also I wanted to try out a pour technique with encaustic medium. It was fun, not exactly the look I was going for, but I think the thick, oily texture gives it some more richness. I feel a little at odds on how it pools at the sides, but some part of me likes that--it is wax, after all.

This is Still a Craft

I was having my 9 AM narcolepsy (happens to me a lot because I'm an insomniac--so when I don't sleep well I have narcolepsy from 7 AM to 9 AM it's really annoying) and having a crazy lucid dream where I was on the beach with some imaginary boyfriend of mine (he kept changing, but I do remember he was pretty hot) and I was singing this rap/techno song about how I don't like boats.

I still remember the chorus of this song, because in my dream I had a really hard time piecing it together: I didn't like Titanic/ I didn't like Poseidon/ I didn't like...

and then in the dream I was like dude I need two more boat movies. I better google that.

But I was on a beach so I couldn't google the two more boat movies. So instead the lyrics turned into : I didn't like Titanic/ I didn't like Poseidon/ I didn't like Avatar/ I didn't like the Hunt for Red October

And I felt really good about it.

I bring this up because, as the dream on a beach looking and singing about boats with my boyfriend was nearing a close, I felt very strongly this was a sign that I needed to a.) get a synthesizer and record this perfect song and b.) post it to my blog.

Then the mafia took over Santa Cruz and it was the End Times and we had to escape Santa Cruz with our lives, but some jerk ran into our turquoise jaguar while it was parked in the parking garage so we had to use a golf cart to race towards 17.

Anyways, I have to write a blog post now.

I never post about crafts anymore, and when I do post art, its generally my contracted stuff or my personal work. I don't think I've outgrown this crafty part of my life,  that's not what happened. I think Etsy is what happened.

I mean I used to make stuff--like crazy stuff--just to see what would happen. It was a wonderful excercize for me. It wasn't to create for some weird community ethos, it wasn't to create to save the world, it wasn't to create to find inner peace, it wasn't to create to quit my day job, it wasn't to create to make my kids smarter people--I just wanted to do it.

Then I started a little shop on Etsy and I do not fit in. I think it killed crafting for me. Because I just...I just want to play with lasers, guys. I like lasers. But Etsy is kinda like buying a mac--it's a lot like a religion. Just look at their blog and you'll see what I'm getting at--everyone feels the same, looks the same, has the same politics, takes the same photos, and desperately, desperately wants to reach the coveted Front Page which gets you hundreds of views but no sales. It's ruined crafts for me.

So I was thinking about changing the title of this blog, to be about my art and myself rather than about my weird Crafty Sidequests that I don't do anymore. But then I thought about it--and the title seems more fitting than ever. Not just because I don't post about crafts anymore, but also because I feel like I've been saying that to myself for the past two years since I graduated, since I've tried to make it work on my own, tried to make the money, failed to make the money, failed so many times but am still going at it. For some crazy weird reason, still going at it. So the title remains.

Anyways, here's what I've been working on:

my new portfolio @ rajillustration.com . New and improved and without flash, bigger thumbnails, and a sketchbook section woohoo.

For lasers, halloween stuff:

Things to do:

-I need to calibrize my monitor (or however you spell it) because I feel like my colors are waaaaaay off. It's sort of expensive to do but the older my laptop gets, the worse my colors will be.

Anyone calibrized their monitor lately and know a good place to do it?

-buy like a T-shirt. At the rate that summer is ending I guess I can skip this thing because it'll be fall soon enough. Man, I hate shopping for clothes.

-throw out the old stuff in the blue bathroom. The blue bath was always the kid's bathroom--and so it's been used by about 5 people for 23 years. I found my acne meds from when I was in high school in there recently, and realized...it's time to throw out some stuff in here. I think there's about 50 playtex boxes under the cabinets, too. Time to throw out some stuff.

What color should her dress be?

For those still reading this blog: I'm currently doing a project--I want to render this chick I drew and animate her dancing for a dias de los muertos thing with a Maya class--which color of dress is best? I seriously can't decide at all. Also this little one in forest green got seperated from these. But I think that one's too feliz navidad.